Sh*tbox Owner Takes to the London Concours

May I introduce you to my 2004 Mazda MX-5. When new, this was Japan’s answer to exciting, open-top driving. A sparkling green two-seater and the envy of many who wandered past a dealership window.

However, that was nineteen years ago. Today, you won’t find a panel on the car without a dent and/or scratch. The seats are worn and the interior perpetually smells of damp. The wheel arches are crusty and the rear suspension sounds like it's trying to forcibly detach itself from the chassis.

You will struggle to find a car more distant from a Concours d’Elegance winner. Alas, I love it. It is a distillation of all the basic joys of driving with a shameless approach to fun. To me, the idea of keeping a car tucked away in a climate-controlled storage facility only to be driven once a year is unthinkable, all that potential for skids and tyre smoke gone to waste… But maybe I’ve got this all wrong, maybe I’ve missed the point and there is enjoyment to be found in keeping a car in pristine, low mileage condition. Maybe these Concours folk know something I don’t. Maybe I need to grow up.

To find out, I ventured beyond my usual vehicular comfort zone and bought a ticket to the London Concours. This is no car meet at 9pm at your local Asda car park. No, this is an automotive garden party, a collection of some of the finest, rarest and most expensive self-propelled metal sculptures to grace both race track and public highway.

I needed to prepare. My usual unshaven, scruffy twenty-three year-old self would stand out like a vegan at a barbeque convention in this company. I ditched the jeans and Converse, dug out my pleated trousers and paired them with a linen shirt and loafers. This disguise couldn’t possibly fail to slip me in under the radar.

The Honourable Artillery Company gardens, where the Concours was hosted, is an odd place. Hidden away behind large iron gates in the centre of London, the large five acre lawn opens up like an oasis of green within a cluster of towering glass buildings. As I passed through the ticket check and turned the corner into the event, I was immediately struck by the sheer number of… beige trousers. Never has history borne witness to such a concentration of rotund men in sand coloured garments. I knew I must be in the right place.

When I finally stepped out onto the green, I had an unbroken view of the 100 or so cars before me. Woah. Rows of Porsches and Lamborghinis, pristine Astons and the odd Veyron and F40. Quite the lineup. I have picked out a few personal highlights below.

Ferrari F40

Everyone loves an F40, don’t they? The twin-turbo slice of carbon-kevlar is a fairly common sight at Concours events but never fails to draw a crowd. The fact that the one on display today has covered just 3600 miles almost brings a tear to my eye. I demand an arrest warrant for the owner immediately.

Lamborghini Miura

Lets forget the debate about whether this was truly the first ‘supercar’ or not and simply enjoy how wild it looks. Especially in Verde Ithaca. I often wonder why cars today can’t look like this. I know we’ve got to worry about ‘pedestrian safety’ this, and ‘crash protection’ that, but come on… Surely someone can give up a kneecap or two for the greater good?

Porsche 959

Tucked away towards the back of the show amongst other 80s icons, the 959 stands out as a modern-looking machine. Bulbous arches and trick 4WD drivetrain provided the antithesis to Ferrari’s bare-knuckle mentality with the F40. Both are still bloody fast.

Bizzarrini 5300 GT Corsa Revival

A replica car at a Concours event, heaven forbid! Relax, for this is no ordinary reproduction. The 5300 GT Corsa Revival is a rivet-for-rivet recreation of Bizzarrini’s class-winner at the 1965 Le Mans 24 Hours. With a Chevy small-block sitting behind the rear seats, you can expect big speeds and big noise.

Jaguar XJC V12

Really, an old Jag barge at an event filled with supercar exotica? Someone’s grandpa must have forgotten the route to Waitrose again and taken a wrong turn in here. Bless. A closer inspection of this British coupé would have you eating your words, as this is no ordinary XJC. Owned by farming superstar Harry Metcalfe, this is a mildly upgraded example that has been comprehensively restored, finished in an unusual hue of Minotaur Green, a modern Aston Martin colour.

Schuppan 962 CR

*Beige trouser counter: 10 - High score!*

Now we’re onto the really rare beasts. Based on the Le Mans winning Porsche 962, the Schuppan was intended to take the performance of a race car and apply it to the road with very few amenities installed in between. Unsurprisingly, not many could justify its $1.8 million price tag and just six were built. I asked the chap standing beside it if he was the owner, to which he replied, “Part of it, yes.” Part of it? Unfortunately, I didn’t stick around long enough to see him disassemble the rear subframe and take it home on the bus.

Despite my initial hesitance, I was thoroughly blown away by the cars on display. Only at a Concours event can you see a gathering of such important cars in utterly perfect condition. For every car with a three-digit mileage figure, there was another with serious racing history or an enthusiastic owner not afraid to hit redline (just see Harry’s Garage for proof). Whilst my heart may still lie with rusty shitboxes, I now know that this beige trousered crowd can put on a good show. But until I own an F40 of my own, I’ll stick with the Mazda.